i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize