i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize