what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
