I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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