Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
