there's paper in my vomit.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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