That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
