let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize