we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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