forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
