I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
