Just fell off a train. Bad.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
