Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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