I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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