hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
