You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize