Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
