I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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