I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
