Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
