So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
