ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
