I wanna passion pit in your ass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
