Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize