my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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