she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
