Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
