nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
