i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
