That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
