That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize