it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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