we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
