i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
