Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
