using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
