I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize