I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
