Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
