so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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