I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
