ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
