While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's just like the Real World with babies
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
