I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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