You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
