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How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
