i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
