I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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