I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
