nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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