I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The beer is more important than you right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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