update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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