I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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