Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Too much gin, very little bucket
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize