I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
