The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
whose parrot is this?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
