Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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