There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize