Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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