ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
