I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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