your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
