Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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